The Perfect Blue's Clues Episode
by Ztarlight
Summary: I think the title explains everything. Note: This is NOT your typical episode...


(Hiiiiiiiyaaaaaa!! I'm back again, this time with something I never thought I'd do : A Blue's Clues fic! Odd, huh? This, like I said before is NOT your  
typical Blue's Clues episode, after all, I'm writing it ! ^-^ Even if you've never seen the show, (in which I can understand why) this will give you a   
basic idea as to how stupid Steve can be sometimes. [Of course, none of this material would ever appear on the actual show.] This is sort of a   
dedication to my older brother Henry, who looks like a carbon-copy of Steve [I'm NOT kidding on that, either], who is also in the Navy and   
overseas for the next few months. Blue's Clues, Blue, Steve, and all related characters and logos are registered trademarks of Nickelodeon,which  
basically says that they don't belong to me. Okay? Great. Get comfortable, 'cuz here comes the fic!  
  
  
  
The Perfect Blue's Clues Episode  
  
[Opening Music]  
  
Steve [comes to window]: Hi, out there! Have you seen Blue, my puppy?   
  
Blue [hops out from behind bush]: Ta-da!   
  
Children : There she is, where she is in every episode, you nimrod!  
  
Steve: Uh, er...yeah. Uh, come on in!  
  
[Camera closes in on front door, which Steve opens, and smacks himself in the head during the process]  
  
Steve: OW!! Stupid door. [shuts the door on his hand] GOD DAMMIT!! THIS @#%*&?! PIECE OF $#!% !!!!!  
  
[Children gasp, one faints. Steve blushes]  
  
Steve: Uh, we were just, uh....singing songs! Yes, that's it. Singing songs. Listen.  
  
[Steve and Blue sing "Pop Goes the Weasel" with Steve singing TERRIBLY off key]  
  
Children: Nooooo!! Like this, Steve. [kids sing perfectly]  
  
Blue [shrugs]: Told ya you were off key.  
  
Steve [glares at Blue] I outta take you to the vet for that. [smiles] Do you want to sing that again, Blue?  
  
Children: NOOOOO!!! SPARE US, WE BEG YOU!!!!!!!  
  
[Blue shakes her head, to which children sigh with relief. Steve sighs.]  
  
Steve: Okay, then, what do you want to sing?  
  
[Blue runs to the camera, slaps a pawprint on the screen, and smiles at Steve.  
  
Steve [glares at Blue again]: Why can't you just tell me what you want?  
  
[Steve walks to get his notebook from Side Table Drawer.]  
  
STD: Steve, I wanna play Blue's Clues with you.  
  
Steve: Well, I would let you play, Side Table Drawer, but that's just it. You're just a table.  
  
[STD is now clearly pissed off. When Steve reaches for the notebook, she slams the drawer on his hand]  
  
Steve: OW!! GOD DAMMIT, YOU STUPID @#%*&?! PIECE OF $#!% !!!!!  
  
[Children gasp, another one faints.]  
  
Steve [facepalm]: Let's just get this over with so I can go home!!! [calms down] Now, did you see which way Blue went?  
  
Children [point to wall]: That way!  
  
Steve: Okay. [turns around, walks straight into wall] CRASH!! THUD!!! OW!!! What the hell was that for?!?! Oh, well...  
  
[Steve walks into the kitchen, past the table, where Paprika is playing with blocks]  
  
Steve [sweetly]: Hiya, Paprika.   
  
[Steve leans down to eye level. Paprika throws a block in Steve's eye and giggles insanely.]  
  
Steve: You moron! Why I outta---[tosses Paprika into the sink who instantly dissolves.] Hey, what's this? [picks up the bridge that Paprika was   
building and examines it.] Look, a pawprint! It's a clue!!  
  
Children: No duh!!!!   
  
Steve: I'll ignore that. [clears throat] This calls for our handy-dandy...  
  
Children: Pile of papers held together with a wire!!  
  
Steve:...........................right. [pulls out notebook] Okay, we have a bridge... [draws a crappy-looking bridge] Here we go! A bridge.  
  
Children [disgusted]: It looks like someone barfed on a sandal!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Steve: I'll ignore that, too. Moving on... [walks out back door.] Oh, LOOK! It's our neighbor, Periwinkle. [looks at kids] He's a cat.  
  
Children: Obviously...  
  
Steve [looks at Periwinkle]: We were singing songs earlier, Periwinkle. What songs do you like to sing?  
  
Periwinkle [smiles]: I like 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star'.  
  
Steve [grins]: Great. Let's sing it.  
  
Children: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Periwinkle: Actually, I've got my own version. [sings to tune of TTLS] Periwinkle, little cat. The city feline who knows where it's at.  
  
Steve [clapping] Great!....[clapping slows] uh,...what's a feline?  
  
Periwinkle [taps on Steve's foot]: Uh, I'm a feline,...Steve.  
  
Steve: But I thought you were a cat.  
  
Children: SAME THING, DIPWAD!!!!!  
  
Periwinkle: [shakes head] Boy, Steve. You ARE as dumb as Blue says.  
  
Steve:.............................let's go look for more clues, shall we? [goes in house] You know, we still don't know where Blue went to. Let's go look in her  
room to see if she's there. [walks to Blue's bedroom, which looks like a library.] Wow, I had no idea Blue was so smart! [on the opposite wall, there  
is a world map with a pawprint on London, England.] Gee, I wonder what our next clue is...?  
  
Children: Try 'London', you dork!  
  
Steve: I KNOW THAT! I'm not stupid you know.  
  
Children: Could've fooled us!  
  
Steve: Just what kind of idiot do you take me for?!  
  
Children: A REALLY BIG ONE!!!!  
  
Steve: Oh. Kay. Lon. Don. There!! [writes 'Lundun' in his notebook]  
  
Children: slap [singsong] Oh, Stuuuupid?  
  
Steve: Shut up, before I---  
  
[Blue comes running through and skidoos into a story book. Steve follows]  
  
Mary: Steve! Blue! It's about @#%*&?! time! Where the hell were you two?!?!?!?!  
  
Steve: I don't know about Blue, but I was getting outsmarted by a BUNCH OF SIX-YEAR-OLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mary:.........again?!  
  
Steve: SHHHH!!! Don't say that out loud!!.....What's your problem anyway?  
  
Mary: I'm supposed to sing a song for my walking dustmop here, [points to lamb] but I forgot the words.  
  
Steve [points to Blue and laughs]: HA!! And you called me stupid.!  
  
Mary: So you have to sing them for me.  
  
Children: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mary [stares after the kids who have run away] Uh, you know what? I remember the words now. You can leave. [Steve and Blue exit.]  
  
[Steve walks to the living room. A pawprint hopped up next to Steve]  
  
Steve: What do YOU want? I'm a very busy person.  
  
Children: You mean a very STUPID person!  
  
Steve: Will you stay out of this?!?!?!?! Now...[looks down at pawprint] what are you here for?  
  
[The pawprint falls flat, then stands up again. It does this about 15 times before Steve finally gets fed up.]  
  
Steve: What do you want?! Food?! Money?!?! Your own T.V. show?!?! If that's the problem, then I will GLADLY give you miiiIIINE - OOF! THUD!   
  
[Steve falls flat on his face. Pawprint squeaks with glee and hugs Steve]  
  
Steve: What was that for? Because I fell? squeak Oh, I get it. You're falling, and you're a clue!!  
  
Pawprint: squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak---  
  
Steve: ALRIGHT!!!! I GET IT!!!!! To the...  
  
Children: Place where you sit on you're lazy ass all day!!!  
  
Steve: You brats catch on fast, don't you? [Walks to Thinking Chair] Okay, our clues are: a bridge, London, and falling. Now, what could---  
  
Children: London Bridge is Falling Down!!!  
  
Steve: That's it! We've just figured out Blue's Clues!! Blue, you want to sing 'London Bridge is Falling Down' ?  
  
Blue [nods happily]: It's about time you figured that out. [Mary, Periwinkle, and the ghost of Paprika all return to help Blue sing]  
  
Steve [turns to camera]: Okay, our show's over, but I think I have enough time to show you some gratitude for all your help. [starts singing]  
  
It's finally time for so long.  
But I'll torture you with one more song.  
I can't carry a tune.  
You learned too soon  
That with me and you,   
And my dog, Blue  
Things can go more crazy  
Than you would expect them to.  
  
[camera backs out of the house, Steve waves.]  
  
Steve: Bye! [catches hand in door as he shuts it] OW!!! WHO WRITES THIS @#%*&?! THING ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?!?!   
  
[The sound of me laughing maniacally can be heard echoing as the scene fades out]  
  
  
~THE END~   
So....what'd you think? You like? You no like? If you no like, then don't bother reviewing. (That's not gonna stop you flamers, though, will it?) If you   
do like, let me know. If I get enough positive feedback, I'll post my other idea - (drumroll, puh-lease) Blue's Clues Survivor. So, until later, have a  
nice day!!  
  
  
  



End file.
